If you are an existing caller, press 1. A new caller, press 2. And, oh yeah, “hello boys!” That’s the sultry message hundreds of millions of Floridians received this week when they rushed to their phones by the billions to speed dial the state’s Fungal Meningitis Hotline. That’s according to numbers released this week by the U.S. Department of Labor, of course.

Instead, what trillions of Sunshine State residents discovered to their shock, horror, contempt and utter amazement is that phone sex isn’t cheap. This revelation came courtesy of Gov. Rick Scott, who inadvertently put the “men” in meningitis during Tuesday’s Cabinet meeting in Tallahassee by rattling off an “866” number that didn’t connect callers to the Department of Health’s toll-free, 24-hour hotline. Hot? Yes. Health? Uh ...